Random as it comes
by Consulting Crazy
Summary: LAME TITLE IS LAME! This is where my drabbles and song fics will find a home. I do take requests. Enjoy. Newest Story: American Idiot
1. Whiskey Girl song by Toby Keith

_So this came to me last night and I had my friend remind me to write it this morning. There was no planing with this. It's basiclly and excuse to not be writing Lessons in Language, because I'm hitting a block. but enjoy it none the less_

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><p>I sat starin' at my girlfriend. I turned to my brother after a while of gawking.<p>

"Don't my baby look good in 'em blue jeans?" I smirked, _Tight on the top with a belly button ring. A little tattoo somewhere in between, she only shows to me._

"You to are going somewhere aren't you?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah were going out dancin'." I smiled at Alice as she started to curse in (what I would call) British at Francis, who probably deserved a lot worse, but Alice liked to take care of herself.

~x~x~

When I arrived at my English girlfriend's house I didn't bother knockin', just walked in like the house was mine. I saw her walkin' down the stairs soon after the door closed.

_Damn __she's ready tonight. . So damn good lookin' boys it ain't even right_I thought with a smile as Alice started to tell me off for just walking in.

"But, Alice," I was confident in my words, "I couldn't surprise you if you had to come to the door."

"Surprise me with what Alfred?" Alice asked. I smiled and pulled out a leather choker with an emerald gem front and center. Alice saw it and smirked at me.

"Alfred, I wouldn't have seen that by coming to the front door." She said as she grabbed the choker and clipped in around her neck.

"Yeah your right, but I didn't want to wait for you to come to the door." I admitted

"Let's get to the club." Alice sighed before heading out the door me in toe.

~x~x~

We were sitting at the bar for a minute before the bartender came up_. _And when the bartender says "for the lady, What's it gonna be..." 

I tell him man..

"She ain't in to wine and roses. Beer just makes her turn up her nose and she can't stand the thought of sipping champagne. No Cuervo, gold margaritas. Just ain't enough good burn in tequila. She needs somethin' with a little more edge, and a little more pain." I smirk at Alice as I say,"She's my little whiskey girl. My ragged on the edges girl, ah but I like 'em rough."

The bartend just raises an eyebrow at Alice, who just smirks and nods before wakin' me on the head.

"I can order for myself, git." She mutters as the bartender gets the drinks.

I just smile and say, "I know baby."

~x~x~

It my just surprise you, but my baby got a '69 Mustang. Four on the floor and you oughtta hear the pipes ring. Great car, so when Alice says I can drive it to dinner, I jump behind the wheel and it's a way we go. Hey I drive too fast but she don't care, blue bandana tied all up in her hair, just sittin there singin' every song on the radio.

~x~x~

My brother and I (look at that…must be Alice's handy work…) were talkin' 'bout our girls, (he's goin' out with that creepy Russian girl. I'm scared for him.) and he was talkin' 'bout how his girl was different than all the others he's ever liked, even with what she likes to drink. That's when I chime in:

"Alice, she ain't in to wine and roses, beer just makes her turn up her nose and she can't stand the thought of sipping champagne. No Cuervo, gold margaritas, just ain't enough good burn in tequila. She needs somethin' with a little more edge and a little more pain. She's my little whiskey girl, my ragged on the edges girl, ah but I like em rough."

Matthew just smirked and whapped me on the head.

"How many time have you said that, Al?" he asked

"Uh…a few times." I tell him, "Why?"

"Just wondering why Alice puts up with you." Matthew laughs.

"You know it's 'cause I'm a smexy beast." I smile as we both laugh at the joke.

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	2. Herbs, 'erbs, Thru and Thruff

_This just jumped into my head when listening to Eddie Izzard Dressed to Kill. So, enjoy my insanity and Remember Reviews are Food and to feed your Author (or Arthur, if you don't feed him he'll give himself food poisoning.)_

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><p>"It's <em>herbs. <em>Not 'erbs. _Herbs. _There is an 'H' in it. Now say it. _Herbs._" England was speaking slowly to his former colony.

"It's 'erbs Iggy." America sighed at the elder nation.

"There is a bloody H in it, is there not?" England asked.

"Iggy, if your going by spelling then you have to say thru as thruff." Alfred sighed

"What are you going on about?" England asked

"You spell thru, T-H-R-U-O-G-H. " America said, "Stop trying to cheat at Scrabble."

England was speechless and confused as America walked away.


	3. Psychotic Bastard Religion

_Arthur was currently running through the Vatican on a mission from his king, looking for one person._

"_Italy!" England yelled as he saw the auburn hair, curl and all. Italy turned around and smiled at England._

"_Yes, England why are you here?" Feliciano asked._

"_My king wishes to have you convey his plans to the pope." England told the Italian._

"_Okay." Feli nods._

"_Okay so…" Arthur pulls out a scroll and unravels it, "King Henry VIII has said that he's going to marry his first wife, then he's going to divorce her." England looked over at Italy and stopped his reply, "I know what your going to say, stick with me here. Second wife, gonna kill her, cut her head off," England turns to Italy with a smirk, "didn't see that coming did you? Third wife gonna shoot her, fourth wife, put her in a bag, fifth wife into outer space, sixth wife on a roticmat, seventh wife made out of jam…"_

"_You crazy bastard!" Italy yelled at England, "You can't do all this! What are you a Mormon? He's the pope, head of the catholic church, I have to keep everything-Ciao." Italy turned and greeted a random person._

_England soon returned to his country and told his king of Italy's reaction. His reply was simple._

"_Well then I will set up a new religion in this country!" Henry smirked at England, "I will call it the Psychotic Bastard Religion!"_

"_Why not call it Church of England?" Arthur suggested._

America looked around at the group of assembled nations.

"That's no basis to start a Religion!" Romano piped up from the back of the group, "He just fucked and killed a load of women and stole the money on the monastery!"

"That's Rape and Pillaging!" Denmark commented

At this moment Arthur walked in.

"What the bloody hell are all you talking about?" he asked

"Your old King." France said

"Which one?" England asked.

"Henry VIII" America smirked.

"Oh…" Arthur then turned around and marched out of the room.

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><p>Yay for Eddie Izzard's idea giving comedy. He is almost as useful as the little chibi Russia and Canada that float around my head.<p>

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~Nakita~


	4. Brownies, Canada, and our gay world

Boredom and my mind...I'm still not sure if it's a great combonation or the potential end of all reason. But I hope you enjoy. BTW there will be a request in the end notes, please do read them~

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><p>"The world is Gay." Canada said as he sat upside down on his couch, "And it's Gay because it has to be."<p>

Russia, who was sitting on the recliner across from the Canadian raised an eyebrow. It wasn't really a surprising statement. Russia was quite certain that the Canadian had accidentally eaten some of British Colombia's "Special" sweets again. None the less, Ivan humored his boyfriend.

"And why does the world have to be Gay?" Russia asked.

"There are 195 Nations, or around that number…_but_ less than 50 are female." Matthew nodded as if to help convince Ivan, "And most female Nations have protective brothers, or there just insane."

"Really now…" Ivan smiled at the blonde as he thought of that statement.

"Oui," Matthew nodded again, "Example A1 is Liechtenstein."

"A1?" Ivan's eyebrow was once again nearing his hairline.

"Oui, A2 is Kat." Canada smiled, "Though I think Ukraine is lucky. If not for the fear of you, France would have done worse when they were visiting at the same time…"

"You had France and Ukraine here at the same time?" Ivan asked.

"France visits like America, loudly and randomly" Canada said as he reached for another brownie, only to have Russia push them away.

"And an example of the other reason?" Russia asked

"Wha- Wait…oh yeah, Example B, is B for Belarus." Canada said, and snatched another brownie as Russia considered weather he should defend his younger sister or just stay quiet. Even as scary as Belarus was, he loved his sister, just not like she said she loved him.

When Ivan tuned back into the happenings in the living room, he saw the last bite of a brownie disappear into Matthew's mouth.

"Eating gets rid of a high." Matthew told Ivan when he noticed the look on the Russian's face.

"But eating those brownies is what made you high." Ivan said. Matthew thought about this before understanding dawned on his face.

"Ivan…" Matthew said in a way that told Ivan he was about to be asked to do something.

"What?" Ivan replied

"Can you make something to eat?" Matthew asked while showing his best puppy eyes. Ivan sighed and got up, taking the brownies with him.

"NO! THE BROWNIES!" Matthew called out as he feebly reached for the brownies as they were taken from him, "YOU OWE ME PANCAKES!"

Ivan laughed and nodded as he walked to the kitchen.

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><p>Yeah...so...my stories The Russias Two and Lessons in Language are at a semi stand still, I have ideas but don't know how to lead into them. That and RusPan doesn't come as easily as RusCan so Russias Two is a bit hard to write. My friend challenged me with it...well the RusPan part...so help. PM me or Review in those stories...Please!<p>

Reveiws=Food

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(PS For anyone who wants to flame due to the drug use or any of my comments on the world of Hetalia , go ahead, I need to cook my food.)


	5. Split Mind

While not many people remember Matthew, many who do respect him. Not because of much…mostly because he had managed to balance two of the most conflicting cultures. It was a…difficult thing, and Matthew didn't like telling people how he did it.

"Belt up you bloody Frog!" England shouted as France skip-floated over to him, "Don't touch me!" and it was with that, that England picked up his chair and brought it down on the Frenchman's head.

_Papa is taking a beating…_Ran through Matthew's head _Why are you just standing here?_

Matthew sighed as he tried to block out the voice, but another popped up to fight the first.

_Because he knows helping the Frog is pointless._

And thus began the English and French sides of Canada fighting. In his head. Or that would have happened had Matthew not stopped it.

_Both of you shut up! I need to pay attention to the meeting not you two. _Matthew growled at the voices, cause that doesn't sound crazy at all. Luckily, no matter how crazy it sounded the two listened to him grudgingly, giving Matthew peace to pay attention to the chaos that was the World Meeting.

After the meeting though…

_Of course, even if Papa said the sky was blue you'd disagree._

_No, but French opinions are null and void._

_Quiet you Rosbif!_

_You have no right to tell me to be quiet, damn Frog!_

_Vive La Quebec!_

_Shut up both of you!_ That snap you heard was Matthew's last nerve being split in two. _We haven't even reached the room and you two are yelling! Just shut up for once!_

And it was glaring at nothing that Canada was doing when Russia walked by. Despite what some Nations thought, Russia had no issues seeing Canada. They played hockey together on a regular basis, so of course he would remember Canada, he tended to remember where his bruises and cuts came from.

"Matvey, are you okay?" Ivan asked.

"Oui," Matthew said with a smile, "I'm perfectly fine."

Ivan noticed his voice was strained, but didn't push an explanation.

"You'll be good for our game Saturday, da?" Ivan said more than asked

"I'll be great for the game." Matthew smiled at Ivan. The smile wasn't normal, it seemed like something France would show. Ivan narrowed his eyes.

"I'll see you then, da?" Russia told him before walking away.

_French, I hate you sometimes. _Matthew thought with a growl as he took control back from his French side.

_I don't do anything you don't want me to~ _French Canada sang.

_Yes, but we have to be careful Frog, we can't be reckless. That's Alfred's job._ English Canada chimed in as well.

_Oh shut up Rosbif, if you had your way Matthew would never let Ivan know. _French huffed

_Both of you, quiet. _Matthew sighed as he walked into his room.

The Next day's meeting continued much like the last three. Yelling, fighting, disagreement, and that was just between French and English Canada.

If anyone knew what Matthew had to go through daily…

If only.

Once again Ivan asked about Matthew's health, Matthew just smiled and said he was fine. The truth was, his head felt like it was being split in two. He knew no amount of Advil or Vicodin would help. The only cure was near impossible.

_SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU! I SWEAR IF EITHER OF YOU TALK FOR THE REST OF THE DAY I WILL FIND A WAY TO HURT YOU! _

They were only quiet for a moment…

Matthew was on the edge of cracking his head through the wall. In fact, his head was in position at the moment.

"Matvey? Are you okay?" Russia said from behind him.

"Fine…" Canada said while glaring at the wall.

"Nyet, you are not. Matvey, what is wrong?" Ivan asked

Matthew laughed bitterly, "You wouldn't believe me."

"How do you know?" Ivan asked while walking closer to Matthew

"You want to know what's wrong?" Matthew snapped, "Nothing's wrong, I just have French and English Canada warring in my head, giving me a splitting headache. Nothing's wrong at all." Matthew was on the verge of tears from both pain and frustration.

"Matvey…" Ivan said softly before pulling Matthew into a hug, shocking all three of them.

"R-Russia?" Matthew stuttered

"Ivan. Call me Ivan." He said as he held Matthew tighter.

"Ivan…Why…" Matthew asked

"Because, Matvey should not be so sad." Ivan said.

"Je t'aime." Matthew muttered into Ivan's coat. Ivan pulled back enough to look at Matthew.

"What Matvey?" Russia asked

"J-je t'aime." Matthew said again, this time looking at his shoes. He was concentrating so hard on the laces that he didn't notice Ivan's smile

"YA tozhe tebya lyublyu." Ivan pulled Matthew back into a tight embrace.

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><p>Please don't ask where this came from...I have no clue. But I do know that this has been getting 0 Reviews.<p>

FEED YOUR AUTHOR! FEED OR I WILL TELL RUSSIA YOU HURT CANADA!

Reviews are Food~ (ufu~)


	6. American Idiot

They were having yet another meeting at America's house. Arthur thought that the moron called meetings for the singular purpose of annoying the others, since nothing was ever seriously discussed with America around. But, none the less, the G8 was present in America's house and sitting around the table. Of course, when they did a head count they came up one short, but that was normal. One of these days they'll figure out who's always skipping out on their meetings.

America had just stood up to speak about whatever he'd called them there for. The large poster of some superhero or another was not promising to those present. But just as America opened his mouth to speak, there was the sound of a speaker turning on then…

"Um…hello? Excuse me for interrupting, but I just want to make a point to everyone here. And Alfie, thank you for making the meeting room your 'zombie apocalypse bunker' as well…" After the very quiet voice stopped music started. None of the others recognized the song, but America was grimacing and running towards the door of the meeting room. When he tried to open them, however, they wouldn't budge. America even put all his strength into opening the doors and they barely creaked.

"MATTIE!" Alfred yelled, "DAMN YOU MATTHEW!"

_Don't wanna be an American idiot_

_Don't want a nation under the new media_

England smiled. He'd found his new favorite song.

_And can you hear the sound of hysteria?_

_The subliminal mind fuck America._

Yes indeed, England was going to be listening to this for a while.

"MATTHEW! I'M GOING TO DISABLE THE PA SYSTEM YOU EVIL LITTLE-" America yelled, but the song got louder to drown him out. They could hear faint laughter in the background as well.

England thought about the name…Matthew was…Alfred's brother, right? Canada? Yes, that was it. He'd have to thank Canada and get the name of the song.

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><p>I adore this song, so when my pandora played it I couldn't resist. I'm thinking of making another thing like this with Weird Al's Canadian Idiot...you know America's revenge...what do you think?<p>

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